All laid back.

Today has been a good day for me. I am leaning more toward keeping my blog going and doin my vlog for the purpose it serves. I understand that there is something about my personality that is quirky, even funny. I don't know what it is... it just is. But I will say this... there is a serious side to me. If I am talking about something incessantly or thinking about something constantly ( noone will know that unless I get to talking about it) then it's something that needs my attention or that I happen to be giving a lot of attention. Right now my health is at the top of the list, a close second is my return to work ( a new job) and getting some of these " new life" plans into action. I love a plan but I get excited to when it's time to put it into action and I get to see if it really works or needs tweakin'.
Since July ( the tail end of it) I have really amped up the importance of exercise and improving my eating. I realized that not eating well and my habit of "not eating period" was not a good combo. My body was confused and it just held on to everything-I was not exercising at all. A sedentary job and which was highly stressful just made up the perfect storm.
It's been decided that 2012 and beyond is going to be happy and good time in my life. I want to know what I've envisioned will work. I am standing my ground and my laid back attitude kind of surfaced today... I have been waiting on that part of me to show up... the laid back self - I have not seen her in about 7 years..
I got a feeling I am going to like my laid back self. :)
Toodles~

So, Sew, Sow....

This morning I feel soo much better. I am about to workout in a bit but I have already done some work this morning. I took out the trash(modified weight lifting) and then I performed the Saturday morning ritual of changing the sheets; which is an activity that I have kept from childhood. I have one load of clothing that is in the dryer and one last load to wash. I will then be finito with the laundry. I have reached and lifted and swept and all those things this morning. I guess to some folks this is a "so" what? To me it's a signal that I feel good. My routines old and new are taking form and I am happy about this. I love a good plan- especially the kind that seem to be "doable". I failed to mention that I made our menu up through Tuesday ( this is normal) and wrote it on the erasable menu board in the kitchen. This is my secret effort to stave off having to answer the "what's for dinner?" question - sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

Yesterday my plan was to complete one of the sewing projects that I mentioned on my vlog. I got it pinned on... which sometimes is the part that gets on my nerves. I got amped yesterday because there are soo few pieces that I did not realize it! The problem ? I was soo energy depleted from my "nose war" that I could not sew. I had to concede and go and lay down. I coughed and hacked. I held up the white flag - which was actually a fresh tissue to blow my nose. My nose won that battle - I plan to sew today.

Now I am excited about going to church tomorrow. Don't ask me why... I have the same excitement about it that I felt when it got close to the New Year ... I am excited about life in general- but this year for some reason I have been REALLY EXCITED. I am excited I know for sure for all the possibilities. I am a giver and going back to work is going to allow me to sow into the lives of others the way I want to. I have been kinda slacking in this area in 2011 and I hated it. I do it because I am supposed to, I do it because nowadays folks don't love on each other as we should. I do it because it's an inherited trait ( Thanks Mom). I do it because it allows my hands to be free to do it again and again. The selfish part of giving for me is it makes me feel good.
So today is a for real a So, Sew, Sow day.
"Make God's will the focus of your life day by day. If you seek to please Him and Him alone, you'll find yourself satisfied with life". - Kay Arthur
Toodles ~

Fitness is a state of Body AND a state of mind!

Today I am just a bit frustrated regarding getting my workout in. I am doing everything I can to "shazach" myself into feelin' like myself and getting better all around. Stuffy nose, red nose, scabbed nose. Sputtering when I talk,( due to running out of breath) and the nasal sound of hoarseness just is not cute. I am not concerned about the cute part. I want to feel like working out.
The thoughts I am having now are sooo different for me. I almost don't know what to do with the thoughts I have about working out and my eating plan. I am going to work in a week, and I feel like these symptoms have cut into my plot to workout, and to do the other things I feel like I need to do...( the truth is-I was not able to workout ONE day) all this because I was not able to work out yesterday. I did not have the power to do it AND breathe well. Today I am going to workout no matter what -I will do a modified workout (tape or something).
I finally found a meal replacement bar that I can make for work. I have my workout clothes on alert. I got my crockpot ( for dinners that can start while I am on my way home). I am working myself through my wardrobe and finding all kinds of stuff. The issue is that I have been working from home and now I am factoring a "commute" and other things... I am excited and a moving forward with the normal trepidation that anyone in my position would feel.
I ate well yesterday even though I didn't feel good. I still did not feel like me though. I know that I am doing better today... but I want to get back to feeling like myself. The truth is my old self is dwindling away and a new improved me is emerging.I like her... but SHE is different...
On second thought -Maybe it is normal to want to exercise daily and to get frustrated when you can't. - maybe it is normal to know that you ate well but could have done better and start thinking about self improvement. - Maybe it is normal to be excited about planning for well being instead of waiting for the gauntlet to drop ( the correct word is proactive). Maybe it's normal to want to be Better!
Toodles~
"Health is not valued until sickness comes". - Thomas Fuller

Growing while I lose!

Today...I am in a very Happy mode. I looked through my old exercise book. The one I started after the most recent "false start" a couple of years ago. It still had some relevance. There were some things in there that I know I won't be going back to, I will be -adding to the book and taking away!

This book is filled with recipes, reminders and info in general. I was talking to someone the other day, and it just dawned on me. I have lived a life cloaked and shrouded in secrecy on some level. There is a difference between private situations and secrecy. I won't get on the web and blast my SSN or where I live or anything like that...but I finally figured out my purpose... can I say it right now? No... but I have been doing it for some time. I just did not know it...Now I do.

I now know that my basic core person is enough to do everything that God intended for me to do on this side of the dirt. That He has been building my life brick by brick; even when I was doing the stuff that was mundane (or so I thought) or hurtful, or uncomfortable. Right now.. all that stuff has helped me to learn to grow and to be more free in my skin than I have ever been. I regret only that it's taken me soo long. Truth be told, though I could not have handled any of this before now because I was not ready.

Change is good. Being accountable is good. Sharin' is "underated". I used to think that telling what I know or have learned would be a negative... but I am finding out that there is always someone that is willing to learn or needs some of the most basic information I have. I have learned soo much from other folks my whole life...
I have learned from homeless folks that no one likes to be alone and everyone needs a friend or someone/something to care about and to know that someone cares about them . My sister goes to feed the homeless every week she looks for them and they look for her too.There's an even exchange there - though to the "unlearned eye" it looks one-sided.
I learned that I can mother w/o being a mother - NOBODY could have told me that 20 years ago. All I knew is that no one would want me because of my "lot" and no way would I ever be fufilled. Not true...
I have learned from my brother that some hurts never go away fully - but they get bearable. We all did good this Dec. 23rd; I did not have a meltdown or do hardly any "I wishes" though the memories of the loss are ever present... We all did well it's taken 7yrs to get here.
I have maintained the mindset from my Nanny that "flexibility" is important. She could figure out how to fix, rig, or work around most things if given a minute. At this time she has Alzheimers so her "figurer-outer" is not working soo well, but even now she is able to express some happy,pain, and from time to time will sing her version of a song. We take whatever we get from her.
I am still learning daily and I am now certain it never ends. My eating plan and exercise is pretty doggone good at this point. And I lost a total of 7 lbs this week.
I am doing just fine- and still better than Ok!
Toodles~

PLANNING MODE CONTINUES!

Okay so here I go, here I go, here I go... today I decided to put up the picture of the zuchhinni cakes ( think crab w/o the crab) because I decided this is going to be my lunch! I really don't know how they are going to manifest if I don't get outta here and get the zuchinni to make them though. This means going to the market.
I have been planning for returning to work-making decisions that I have not had to make in quite sometime. One of the advantages of working from home was - well, working from home ( please believe me there are disadvantages that equal or eclipse the advantages). Get up do a load of laundry- start dinner, vacuum etc. Now I am remembering I have to plan exercise, lunch, dinner for the dude and such. I in turn get to leave work at work now. Have a real stop and start time for work,interact with folks (not remotely)and see body language,no evenings /no weekends!

I know better than to rely on the fella to cook.So no delusional thinking here,it can happen but I will take those days when the come but I won't rely on them being consistent.
Q?:What am I going to do?
A!:I have a crockpot (C-pot) that was a high-school graduation present (no lie). It's the only one that I own I have been out of high school 30yrs. I found a recipe today that is a soup that requires 6 hours of cooking and it will overcook if I start it in the am. If I want "mush" I will intentionally make mush; overcooked soup is mush to me. I need a C-pot with a timer on it! I think I am due an upgrade.
Did I mention I am in planning mode? LOL. I know how to make a rotisserie style chicken ( like the kind in W-mart) in the crockpot... so the possibilities are endless. Planning is selfish- I am really doing it to ensure that my stress level stays "way down"... like it is now.
I am sure I will find all kinds recipes.
OOh I almost forgot. I am down another pound so that's 4lbs for day 3 of my tweaked eating path... I am doing just fine- and better than ok.
Toodles~

POSSIBILITES ~

Sometimes I feel like I am an undercover agent of sorts. I wonder... do folks really know me?, are they interested in knowing the real me? or if they even care?... I got on this thread of thinking because I have had some folks that don't know me very well or at all RECENTLY respond to my nuances/personality.Some things even people I am related or long term friend w/ have never addressed or mentioned. Case in point- the head hunter I have been working with ( which was a happenstance more than an intentional move- details at 11) stated last week- "you are just a little to easy to get along with- what's up with that?". I have been volleying back and forth with this fella for approximately 1.2 months and for him to blurt that out was a little different. I was momentarily shocked but at the same time I had to take into account he does not know I am new and improving.
What he was hearing was actually appropriateness for the situation. There was a time when he would have been correct. Easy going, door mattish, too laid-back ( almost reclining) described me. A lot of taking it on the chin in public , crying later and killing myself softly- w/ food.
I explained to him that I was easy to get along with in this particular setting because there was no reason for me to respond any other way. My questions, were being answered, he was working on my behalf, and I had some prospects for work... He then understood a bit better. I did talk to him and explain where I am on a professional level and now I need/want covering of a big established company, benefits, TIME and consistency.Those are the things that are of importance to me,"aaah" was his response.
I was informed today that my offer package is in the works. The company wants to make sure that I am interested. I informed them "yes". I can relax now and expect a call next week.
I am on day 2 of my tweaked eating plan. I am down 3lbs since yesterday. Was I deprived - no! Is this fitting w/ my habits ( yea-yah) and I finally feel like I am on the total right path for me. FINALLY!
My exercise is funny. I have never envisioned myself being a 6hr /day exercise type person. I aint on the BL Ranch and I dont have the time. I am about effecient training for conditioning and health ( those are most likely synonymous). I am finding I can push harder and still keep my workouts at less than an hour and come out on top!
I am in a good space today. I have been making a concious effort to enjoy the remainder of my life. To not let folks "rain on my parade", "drag me down", "pee in my coffee" or make me feel like anything less than what God has already bellowed in the world's ear that I am.
I got shalom today ya'll...( everything's not perfect- but life ain't broken and nothing is missing..)
Toodles.

What to do?

This Morning I am up and at 'em finally. I vlog but I am finding that writing here helps me even more than the vloggin. My vlogging is more about the physical aspect of my path to wellness/health and the emotional part as well. Over here... well it's all the rest of the components of me.
I got up this morning with soo many thoughts in my head. Things I want to do today, the problem is- I think I will need some extra hours to get all of the things I "want to do" done.
Some of the tasks are really things that are functional - such as I need to get a frame I have my coupon and I am ready, I measured the frame so I know I have the right size in mind- this time I will write it down though because the last time I went to the store "in search" I got special...
I want to sew. I am looking over my wardrobe and preparing for the call about my new gig. I arrived early at the last interview so that I could see how the women/men who entered were dressed. It helps that some of the stores that I shop at now are a lunchbreak away. My plan is that as my size decreases that I will sew more. I enjoy the satisfaction and the relaxing feeling that sewing gives me. At the end the feeling of accomplishment of creating a "one of a kind" creation also provides inertia for the next project.
I mentioned tweaking my eating program and I am looking for 2 books - (so a trip to the bookstore is in order) the books may provide me some insight and help me narrow down my tweak. I am not sure I will make a purchase of either unless there is a concept that I just can't grasp or there's info that I will need to reference again!
I know to some this sounds like work- but to me this is a relaxing day.
Ohh and while I am at I am definitely going to grab a coffee!
I hope you are going to have a good relaxing day as well.
Toodles~