Today...I am in a very Happy mode. I looked through my old exercise book. The one I started after the most recent "false start" a couple of years ago. It still had some relevance. There were some things in there that I know I won't be going back to, I will be -adding to the book and taking away!
This book is filled with recipes, reminders and info in general. I was talking to someone the other day, and it just dawned on me. I have lived a life cloaked and shrouded in secrecy on some level. There is a difference between private situations and secrecy. I won't get on the web and blast my SSN or where I live or anything like that...but I finally figured out my purpose... can I say it right now? No... but I have been doing it for some time. I just did not know it...Now I do.
I now know that my basic core person is enough to do everything that God intended for me to do on this side of the dirt. That He has been building my life brick by brick; even when I was doing the stuff that was mundane (or so I thought) or hurtful, or uncomfortable. Right now.. all that stuff has helped me to learn to grow and to be more free in my skin than I have ever been. I regret only that it's taken me soo long. Truth be told, though I could not have handled any of this before now because I was not ready.
Change is good. Being accountable is good. Sharin' is "underated". I used to think that telling what I know or have learned would be a negative... but I am finding out that there is always someone that is willing to learn or needs some of the most basic information I have. I have learned soo much from other folks my whole life...
I have learned from homeless folks that no one likes to be alone and everyone needs a friend or someone/something to care about and to know that someone cares about them . My sister goes to feed the homeless every week she looks for them and they look for her too.There's an even exchange there - though to the "unlearned eye" it looks one-sided.
I learned that I can mother w/o being a mother - NOBODY could have told me that 20 years ago. All I knew is that no one would want me because of my "lot" and no way would I ever be fufilled. Not true...
I have learned from my brother that some hurts never go away fully - but they get bearable. We all did good this Dec. 23rd; I did not have a meltdown or do hardly any "I wishes" though the memories of the loss are ever present... We all did well it's taken 7yrs to get here.
I have maintained the mindset from my Nanny that "flexibility" is important. She could figure out how to fix, rig, or work around most things if given a minute. At this time she has Alzheimers so her "figurer-outer" is not working soo well, but even now she is able to express some happy,pain, and from time to time will sing her version of a song. We take whatever we get from her.
I am still learning daily and I am now certain it never ends. My eating plan and exercise is pretty doggone good at this point. And I lost a total of 7 lbs this week.
I am doing just fine- and still better than Ok!
Toodles~
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