ALL or NOTHING! really? ~

Today is a good day for a revelation. The revelation made me smile on my insides. For most of my life I have been controlled by my thoughts of perfection. Everything was black or white no room for grey ( even though it's a valid color/concept and has it's place in life and society LOL). I had the baby and the bathwater syndrome. Very good at completing task, but always feeling "failuresque" if it could not be done "just right". I realize that I just made up a word in the previous sentence, bear with me.

I am doing laundry and several other things at once my new version of multitasking but on a different tip. I know that what I am doing does not require perfection - but it does require completion. What caused me to put up this post is that I have been exercising but it's not been like it used to be. I am finding I am not regimented, or self condescending for not doing everything perfect. As of late my times have varied but I noticed increased willingness to tell me that "some is better than none". This is ALL NEW in the response arena for me!

The issue::Just a few minutes ago I was looking at a magazine.I learned last year to pull out what I need and discard the rest. This magazine was going through demolition. Secretly I was wondering what made me buy it initially. I found 2 salvagable pages with 3 recipes. One of the recipes I would like to alter and make tonight as a side-dish. I looked at it to see what I'd need. Some of the ingredients can be costly and not something I will use regularly, I am soo not into waste. I decided that I would not make the recipe because I did not want to buy 3 of the ingredients and have them sitting around only to go "bad". Note to self "you will still have to cook dinner".I realized I was missing an op to try something different and new. My all or nothing had reared its ugly head somewhere else. I am finding that some thought patterns are pervasive - they have literally infiltrated every area of our being. I want to root this one out, I've missed out on being more "merry" because of it.

The solution:: I am going to one of my local ethnic stores as these type ingredients may be cheaper there. If they are not I am going bin shopping at the speciality market and only "get what I need" to make one serving of the dish. I decided that I want to try this dish and not "wonder" if it's good. I want to KNOW.

It's simple math to one other person and a conundrum for another. I think I just found the answer to this math problem. Nothing from nothing does indeed leave nothin, but a little bit of this and a little bit of that may produce a WHOLE LOT of merry in my world. I am all for increased "merry",I need to lighten up...

Toodles~

"My how the time fiies"...

Today's title is pretty much how I felt today. I have said on my vlog that I use a towel over the console of the treadmill when I am walking so I wont be fixated on it. Today was no different. I knew how long I was going to walk I just did not know what my outcome for my other numbers were going to be.

Anymore I have a goal for my workouts, this is different as my goal used to be to do it until I get too tired to continue. Now tired is a known part of the equation so my goal now is to reach "specifics". Today my goal was to have a 300cal workout. I wanted to offset my after workout power drink. I kinda knew what I'd be adding to it. ( all good stuff - spinach, frozen banana, 1/2C mango puree and the protein powder of course).

I noticed when I started exercising consistently in late summer I was staring at the treadmill console clock and anything else that told time- my watch, the wall clock- the clock on the television - you get the idea. It seemed like 30mins took forever. Now 30 min comes pretty quick. Time hasn't sped up but my attitude toward time when I workout has changed drastically. Time is no longer the "headliner" - my calorie burn and the length of my walks have taken the starring role. My calorie burn is coming from the use of one button - the incline. I love it....

I wanted to stop by and document one my best workouts ever- my goal is to beat one of the workout tapes I have that promises a 500 calorie burn in an hour. I think sometime next week I just might do it... and when I do- you all will know it!
Toodles~
*the pix is the console on my treadmill - 6% incline, 411 calories burned, 56 minutes, and 2.62 miles.* Thank you Jesus.

Write the Vision?

Ya'll it's countdown time... you know to what I won't even go there today. Yesterday what was impressed on me so strongly was a question I was asked during my recent interview. This is the scene: 2 women sitting there rapid firing questions at me. Not really a big deal,this was not the first time this had happened. The thing that I am making a big deal about today isn't new either. The question was,"where do you plan to be in the next 5 yrs?", I answered.

All over you-tube and in magazines - vision boards are mentioned. I have a modified thingee ( it's on my refrigerator so you know it's not big). I put this up there for things that I wanted for this house. It's a couple years old. I realized about 9months ago that the things on the board had been fufilled and I was able to mark everything off. It was soo smooth some of it I did not even realize my desires had been given to me. I also was upset with myself for not paying closer attention to my "list". We've had repairmen here in the kitchen, and guest here in the kitchen.I don't know if anyone knew what my list was, but I knew it was there. I wondered what would have happeded had I revisited it more often if I had paid closer attention to it. I bet things would have happened faster and my praise would have been more consistent.

I listened to a webcast this morning I had NO idea of the content but again God was leading/guiding his special kid ( that's me). When I seek him to "break it down" in elemetary terms to me He's faithful to do just that! This guest minister I have heard before and I love to hear him teach. I promise you I learned a long time ago- to listen to/look at the substance coming out of the container and not the container itself. It's only fair, I am repeatedly asking for the same courtesy.

I decided to refresh my miniature vision list. It's time. I want to have some new memorials and things to celebrate and look back on. I want some new things to be able to say "remember when God did such and such?" This is the stuff that makes me smile and gives me hope. While I am asking Him for stuff, I definitely plan on doing my best to stay on top of the things He's asked me to do as well!
http://vimeo.com/31511057

I am gonna get this done today- Believe that.

Toodles~

All laid back.

Today has been a good day for me. I am leaning more toward keeping my blog going and doin my vlog for the purpose it serves. I understand that there is something about my personality that is quirky, even funny. I don't know what it is... it just is. But I will say this... there is a serious side to me. If I am talking about something incessantly or thinking about something constantly ( noone will know that unless I get to talking about it) then it's something that needs my attention or that I happen to be giving a lot of attention. Right now my health is at the top of the list, a close second is my return to work ( a new job) and getting some of these " new life" plans into action. I love a plan but I get excited to when it's time to put it into action and I get to see if it really works or needs tweakin'.
Since July ( the tail end of it) I have really amped up the importance of exercise and improving my eating. I realized that not eating well and my habit of "not eating period" was not a good combo. My body was confused and it just held on to everything-I was not exercising at all. A sedentary job and which was highly stressful just made up the perfect storm.
It's been decided that 2012 and beyond is going to be happy and good time in my life. I want to know what I've envisioned will work. I am standing my ground and my laid back attitude kind of surfaced today... I have been waiting on that part of me to show up... the laid back self - I have not seen her in about 7 years..
I got a feeling I am going to like my laid back self. :)
Toodles~

So, Sew, Sow....

This morning I feel soo much better. I am about to workout in a bit but I have already done some work this morning. I took out the trash(modified weight lifting) and then I performed the Saturday morning ritual of changing the sheets; which is an activity that I have kept from childhood. I have one load of clothing that is in the dryer and one last load to wash. I will then be finito with the laundry. I have reached and lifted and swept and all those things this morning. I guess to some folks this is a "so" what? To me it's a signal that I feel good. My routines old and new are taking form and I am happy about this. I love a good plan- especially the kind that seem to be "doable". I failed to mention that I made our menu up through Tuesday ( this is normal) and wrote it on the erasable menu board in the kitchen. This is my secret effort to stave off having to answer the "what's for dinner?" question - sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

Yesterday my plan was to complete one of the sewing projects that I mentioned on my vlog. I got it pinned on... which sometimes is the part that gets on my nerves. I got amped yesterday because there are soo few pieces that I did not realize it! The problem ? I was soo energy depleted from my "nose war" that I could not sew. I had to concede and go and lay down. I coughed and hacked. I held up the white flag - which was actually a fresh tissue to blow my nose. My nose won that battle - I plan to sew today.

Now I am excited about going to church tomorrow. Don't ask me why... I have the same excitement about it that I felt when it got close to the New Year ... I am excited about life in general- but this year for some reason I have been REALLY EXCITED. I am excited I know for sure for all the possibilities. I am a giver and going back to work is going to allow me to sow into the lives of others the way I want to. I have been kinda slacking in this area in 2011 and I hated it. I do it because I am supposed to, I do it because nowadays folks don't love on each other as we should. I do it because it's an inherited trait ( Thanks Mom). I do it because it allows my hands to be free to do it again and again. The selfish part of giving for me is it makes me feel good.
So today is a for real a So, Sew, Sow day.
"Make God's will the focus of your life day by day. If you seek to please Him and Him alone, you'll find yourself satisfied with life". - Kay Arthur
Toodles ~

Fitness is a state of Body AND a state of mind!

Today I am just a bit frustrated regarding getting my workout in. I am doing everything I can to "shazach" myself into feelin' like myself and getting better all around. Stuffy nose, red nose, scabbed nose. Sputtering when I talk,( due to running out of breath) and the nasal sound of hoarseness just is not cute. I am not concerned about the cute part. I want to feel like working out.
The thoughts I am having now are sooo different for me. I almost don't know what to do with the thoughts I have about working out and my eating plan. I am going to work in a week, and I feel like these symptoms have cut into my plot to workout, and to do the other things I feel like I need to do...( the truth is-I was not able to workout ONE day) all this because I was not able to work out yesterday. I did not have the power to do it AND breathe well. Today I am going to workout no matter what -I will do a modified workout (tape or something).
I finally found a meal replacement bar that I can make for work. I have my workout clothes on alert. I got my crockpot ( for dinners that can start while I am on my way home). I am working myself through my wardrobe and finding all kinds of stuff. The issue is that I have been working from home and now I am factoring a "commute" and other things... I am excited and a moving forward with the normal trepidation that anyone in my position would feel.
I ate well yesterday even though I didn't feel good. I still did not feel like me though. I know that I am doing better today... but I want to get back to feeling like myself. The truth is my old self is dwindling away and a new improved me is emerging.I like her... but SHE is different...
On second thought -Maybe it is normal to want to exercise daily and to get frustrated when you can't. - maybe it is normal to know that you ate well but could have done better and start thinking about self improvement. - Maybe it is normal to be excited about planning for well being instead of waiting for the gauntlet to drop ( the correct word is proactive). Maybe it's normal to want to be Better!
Toodles~
"Health is not valued until sickness comes". - Thomas Fuller

Growing while I lose!

Today...I am in a very Happy mode. I looked through my old exercise book. The one I started after the most recent "false start" a couple of years ago. It still had some relevance. There were some things in there that I know I won't be going back to, I will be -adding to the book and taking away!

This book is filled with recipes, reminders and info in general. I was talking to someone the other day, and it just dawned on me. I have lived a life cloaked and shrouded in secrecy on some level. There is a difference between private situations and secrecy. I won't get on the web and blast my SSN or where I live or anything like that...but I finally figured out my purpose... can I say it right now? No... but I have been doing it for some time. I just did not know it...Now I do.

I now know that my basic core person is enough to do everything that God intended for me to do on this side of the dirt. That He has been building my life brick by brick; even when I was doing the stuff that was mundane (or so I thought) or hurtful, or uncomfortable. Right now.. all that stuff has helped me to learn to grow and to be more free in my skin than I have ever been. I regret only that it's taken me soo long. Truth be told, though I could not have handled any of this before now because I was not ready.

Change is good. Being accountable is good. Sharin' is "underated". I used to think that telling what I know or have learned would be a negative... but I am finding out that there is always someone that is willing to learn or needs some of the most basic information I have. I have learned soo much from other folks my whole life...
I have learned from homeless folks that no one likes to be alone and everyone needs a friend or someone/something to care about and to know that someone cares about them . My sister goes to feed the homeless every week she looks for them and they look for her too.There's an even exchange there - though to the "unlearned eye" it looks one-sided.
I learned that I can mother w/o being a mother - NOBODY could have told me that 20 years ago. All I knew is that no one would want me because of my "lot" and no way would I ever be fufilled. Not true...
I have learned from my brother that some hurts never go away fully - but they get bearable. We all did good this Dec. 23rd; I did not have a meltdown or do hardly any "I wishes" though the memories of the loss are ever present... We all did well it's taken 7yrs to get here.
I have maintained the mindset from my Nanny that "flexibility" is important. She could figure out how to fix, rig, or work around most things if given a minute. At this time she has Alzheimers so her "figurer-outer" is not working soo well, but even now she is able to express some happy,pain, and from time to time will sing her version of a song. We take whatever we get from her.
I am still learning daily and I am now certain it never ends. My eating plan and exercise is pretty doggone good at this point. And I lost a total of 7 lbs this week.
I am doing just fine- and still better than Ok!
Toodles~