Okay. I read my last post... I went to that meeting... and it's safe to assume that I was not the biggest person at the meeting this time... but why do I say that? Is it because I met my objective? Got off some of the extra weight? or is it because of some other "occurrence"?
It's the latter... whereas I did drop a few pounds... nothing near what I'd intended.. ( and yes I am still working on it) uuh what happened is one of the usuals may have enlarged her territory and a newbie actually has girth as well. so I was "not the largest" by default more or less. Still dont get a feather in my cap!
Today I have have been in a weird place. Trying to solve to many issues and not getting any of it done. I want to read, but I dont want to read. Today I have some stuff I needed to mail, but I dont have what is in me to even write anything nor address the envelopes what gives?
I did get some flowers for my back flower beds... and it's going to be up to me to get them in the ground... seriously...
Insanity is ----> doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to get different results. In my quest for losing weight... I am in the realm of the insane. You'd have to have this issue to know of which I speak...
I need to do something different.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
MOMENTUM?
Yep it's Saturday morning and make no mistake, you ARE seeing a potato... I am not hungry. I have had a very lo calorie breakfast">
<------This represents how I view myself right this minute... I dont think that I fit the classic definition of a couch potatoe.... so maybe I should have opted for a bowl of fluffy mashed potatoes - ( they have done something or had some work done on them)...I am laughing out loud... ( I am conciously choosing NOT to write the initialism for that)
Now today I knew I was having some issues with eating "crunchy stuff" this week, I am not blaming anything - just pure and simple emotional eating... answer --> Cheesy Kale Chips are in the dehydrator ( yep they are raw). My sweet tooth is acting a fool... at my age I can't call on the tooth fairy -and if I did.. I would need to also have the orthodontist standing by to fit me for false teeth ( the full set) -- all my teeth are sweet "tooths" right now... not good. answer --> drying raw almonds for a confection I will share later on the vlog. :) I am working on it.... got to get grip...
It's colder than a --- whatever so there will be no running/walking outside today... but I am going to do a workout video today...I thought to myself; while I was looking at an infomercial for yet another pc of workout paraphanila -- "would you please use what you have?" - If you use what you have you can get results... I turned the channel AND left the room.
I feel a lot more hopeful today about getting to my short term goals... - to not be the biggest thing in the room - when I go on my next manager's retreat... that's about 5 months away.
My long term goal is to get to this--->
I can do it... I need to keep my momentum going!
I can do it... I need to keep my momentum going!Saturday, January 23, 2010
SATURDAY SHINANAGINS
It's Saturday Morning~ it's a little after 8am I have been up for about 2 hours.... good sakes alive. I have logged almost 5,000 of my minimum of 10,000 steps per my pedometer.
I walked/ran my block 2times. I went to a local grocer and got some kale, truvia and cat treats ( no, the cat treats are not a part of my eating regimen) --they are really for the cats.
Am I kinda surprised? Yes, because I can see how easy it is to get the minimum of 10,000 steps in...my walk/run sequence was 2 fold... I am working on a couch potato to 5k program. Yep... we'll see.. (overlook my self induced skepticism) but I am being honest here... I am going to give it my best effort though... and that is the truth as well.
Today I would really like to go to a farmers market- the one that I'd like to go to is about 40 miles away.. one way... there is no sense in even thinking that is going to happen. But there's one closer... so there I will go before the rain... what's up w/ that? I am acting like it's monsoon season and some drops are going to keep me from going out... come heck or high water I am going out to the market. I hope I don't have to go in high water~
I also plan on sewing... something I like to do, but don't get a chance to do much anymore. I am working on a some rollers for my natural hair. They are working good, I need to get production going!
Talkin helps~
I walked/ran my block 2times. I went to a local grocer and got some kale, truvia and cat treats ( no, the cat treats are not a part of my eating regimen) --they are really for the cats.
Am I kinda surprised? Yes, because I can see how easy it is to get the minimum of 10,000 steps in...my walk/run sequence was 2 fold... I am working on a couch potato to 5k program. Yep... we'll see.. (overlook my self induced skepticism) but I am being honest here... I am going to give it my best effort though... and that is the truth as well.
Today I would really like to go to a farmers market- the one that I'd like to go to is about 40 miles away.. one way... there is no sense in even thinking that is going to happen. But there's one closer... so there I will go before the rain... what's up w/ that? I am acting like it's monsoon season and some drops are going to keep me from going out... come heck or high water I am going out to the market. I hope I don't have to go in high water~
I also plan on sewing... something I like to do, but don't get a chance to do much anymore. I am working on a some rollers for my natural hair. They are working good, I need to get production going!
Talkin helps~
Friday, January 22, 2010
Jello-like Qualities
Ok~ it's Friday- I made it through another week...this week was a funny one... I feel like as far as work is concerned today was like the first day after you return from New Years Vacation...
Yep the entire zippety- do- da week... why? I am glad you asked ( although nobody asked).
I felt more in control than I have in a long time. For the past 4 years I have worked in a capacity that was actually made for me " a created position"... and for many of those years along w/ another colleague have been the lab rats for this position- growing when it grew, morphing in all kinds of directions. We both have been extremely patient, and very tired. It's hard to hit a moving target... I have been trying for 4 years. Believe me it's not possible.
Now to the positive -- I was not sure what I was learning as I got my "sea legs". I wavered from feeling as though I had reached nirvana only to fell as though I had slipped and landed in the very "bowels of hell"...sometimes within the same 12-14 hour work day. I now know that one does not exist ( Nirvana). I have always believed in hell but I don't have any desire of visiting literally nor figuratively for that matter. The last 365 days have been the real "test". I have prayed for and pleaded for a myriad of things. I failed to take the time to remember I have the power within me to make anything happen- things always start "internally- w/ a thought of I can do this- I need to do this.
This week I put on my big girl panties ( and a girdle- I needed the extra support) and made decisions based around what I needed to accomplish to get the day I planned accomplished. I have favour at work - I am informed that I do wonderfully. It's imperative that I have the same opinion about my work too and I didn't.. the consummate imperfect perfectionist.
It started out really subtle-- "I am able to do this"- "I am sorry but I can't do that" and on and on it went. I started feeling less jello-ish right at the start... I kinda felt like a nice flan.... the more I took control of what was happening I noticed the more at ease I became. By Wednesday I was thinking of calling somebody and declaring a name change for Wednesday. I was thinking we could change it from "hump day" to "get a grip day" ! In a mere 5 days with some conscious effort and determination I moved from a jiggly mess to a nice firm set..
Talkin' sure does help.
Yep the entire zippety- do- da week... why? I am glad you asked ( although nobody asked).
I felt more in control than I have in a long time. For the past 4 years I have worked in a capacity that was actually made for me " a created position"... and for many of those years along w/ another colleague have been the lab rats for this position- growing when it grew, morphing in all kinds of directions. We both have been extremely patient, and very tired. It's hard to hit a moving target... I have been trying for 4 years. Believe me it's not possible.
Now to the positive -- I was not sure what I was learning as I got my "sea legs". I wavered from feeling as though I had reached nirvana only to fell as though I had slipped and landed in the very "bowels of hell"...sometimes within the same 12-14 hour work day. I now know that one does not exist ( Nirvana). I have always believed in hell but I don't have any desire of visiting literally nor figuratively for that matter. The last 365 days have been the real "test". I have prayed for and pleaded for a myriad of things. I failed to take the time to remember I have the power within me to make anything happen- things always start "internally- w/ a thought of I can do this- I need to do this.
This week I put on my big girl panties ( and a girdle- I needed the extra support) and made decisions based around what I needed to accomplish to get the day I planned accomplished. I have favour at work - I am informed that I do wonderfully. It's imperative that I have the same opinion about my work too and I didn't.. the consummate imperfect perfectionist.
It started out really subtle-- "I am able to do this"- "I am sorry but I can't do that" and on and on it went. I started feeling less jello-ish right at the start... I kinda felt like a nice flan.... the more I took control of what was happening I noticed the more at ease I became. By Wednesday I was thinking of calling somebody and declaring a name change for Wednesday. I was thinking we could change it from "hump day" to "get a grip day" ! In a mere 5 days with some conscious effort and determination I moved from a jiggly mess to a nice firm set..
Talkin' sure does help.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Question is----
When we were growing up... my mother had a running question for us.. It's weird we kinda knew when it was coming... and we were kids... I can't really say it was fair... but she asked it anyway... I think the premise may have been-- ask a kid; cause they can and will be brutally honest. By now you are wondering what is the question-- drumroll please --"Am I that big?"
I am not sneaking behind my mothers back writing about her... she happens to be on the phone right now while I multi-task and write this... she's 19 years my senior. So we are now at the parent/friend stage. She said she "kinda remembered asking us that"- she remembers --she just doesn't want to remember it.
Let me give you the scenario- we are in the safeway parking lot... that shopping center had a lot of stuff in it... it was the mecca for the neighborhood. Women walking in and out were the "comparitive prey". She'd ask... and we'd answer. Did we know if we answered right or wrong? Almost immediately, by the look on her face. I do remember the older we got the less often "the question was posed. My mom was chunky- but in my opinion "cute". What was the problem- what's with all the questions Momma? You are fine~
The answer is "dysmorphic body image".
Tonight I decided I'd go and get a burrito from my fave place to eat out... it black beans, cilantro rice -you know where I am talking about... I think I looked alright- sweats, hair up in a bun (this might have been a hair faux pas, slide-ins... I was in the college part of town...the kids were young looking- shoot they are young. Then it did it.
I asked MYSELF a question--- "Do I look old"? I used to fit in... I felt ackward. My hair used to be dark, now it's red.. ( don't let the lighting on the pix above fool you) and there's a grey streak right up front. I came home let my burrito get cold and my Izzie got warm. I studied me as I took off my slides.. I answered my own question cause there aren't any kids to ask! (I think there's a blessing in that now). Just like I answered my mom... I answered me - as honestly as I knew how . My answers:
Yes, I looked older than them. I was appropriately ackward because theres no less than a 20 year difference in age between me and them . How did I feel about that? I think I am alright, but I do have some body dysmorphia stuff going on though...
Later ya'll - and yes, talkin does help.
I am not sneaking behind my mothers back writing about her... she happens to be on the phone right now while I multi-task and write this... she's 19 years my senior. So we are now at the parent/friend stage. She said she "kinda remembered asking us that"- she remembers --she just doesn't want to remember it.
Let me give you the scenario- we are in the safeway parking lot... that shopping center had a lot of stuff in it... it was the mecca for the neighborhood. Women walking in and out were the "comparitive prey". She'd ask... and we'd answer. Did we know if we answered right or wrong? Almost immediately, by the look on her face. I do remember the older we got the less often "the question was posed. My mom was chunky- but in my opinion "cute". What was the problem- what's with all the questions Momma? You are fine~
The answer is "dysmorphic body image".
Tonight I decided I'd go and get a burrito from my fave place to eat out... it black beans, cilantro rice -you know where I am talking about... I think I looked alright- sweats, hair up in a bun (this might have been a hair faux pas, slide-ins... I was in the college part of town...the kids were young looking- shoot they are young. Then it did it.
I asked MYSELF a question--- "Do I look old"? I used to fit in... I felt ackward. My hair used to be dark, now it's red.. ( don't let the lighting on the pix above fool you) and there's a grey streak right up front. I came home let my burrito get cold and my Izzie got warm. I studied me as I took off my slides.. I answered my own question cause there aren't any kids to ask! (I think there's a blessing in that now). Just like I answered my mom... I answered me - as honestly as I knew how . My answers:
Yes, I looked older than them. I was appropriately ackward because theres no less than a 20 year difference in age between me and them . How did I feel about that? I think I am alright, but I do have some body dysmorphia stuff going on though...
Later ya'll - and yes, talkin does help.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Things I know for sure!
Good day~
Uuh I am aware Ms. "O" has this little statement at the back of most of her magazines... but today it's one of those times when I am "lifting" ( steal is such a strong word)... from her playbook.
I woke up with a renewed sense of "self". I had no choice today because of how I feel. Mentally clear as a bell. Had a good eating day. Had a LOT of vegetables yesterday. That was the plan- mostly salads. I put the videos up on my vlog but man on one I got sidetracked by my freckles... I had no idea there were soo many of 'em and they were so noticeable! Whatever... focus- focus- and then I got back to it. I have 2 channels one for recipes or things I make... that is the one w/ which I struggle. I think I started it w/ the premise of putting only live food on it... and I dont eat live food all the time... there are other healthy recipes I would like to put up there... I think I will break out and do it... it's not like folks can't block and delete - I say it all the time... heck I do it all the time! --
#1 thing I know for sure--BE MYSELF ALL THE WAY! - it's my channel. I created it... I can put on it whatever I want. Folks will come and some will go. Keeping it real is highly underated....
I woke up stiff as a "stiff"okay... no I am not dead... I plan on living a long and satisfying life... but this morning I felt like I could have auditioned for one of the "non-living" folks spots in the "thriller video". Just sore and stiff... why?? it's called warm-up for a reason. It felt good to go for my jog yesterday morning... and I logged a fetching number of steps on my pedometer... But cold muscles do not like to be "called to duty suddenly... did I know that? yes! did I pay attention to that? NO!
#2 thing I know for sure-- I AM NOT 2 years old anymore - Warm up even before doing spur of the moment exercise ( which by the way will render it - "not spur of the moment". )
I woke up well rested-- it's been a while, I felt like the statement "thousands of miles to go before I sleep" was my mantra for the past few months. At one point I had to start praying and asking God to help me have "sweet sleep" which happens to be a biblical promise. I wanted "some o dat". I now feel like I can get through the day without wanting to curl up and "nap"~
#3thing I know for sure- Stress is not my friend....I know low level stress kinda exist and it spurs us to get things done. What I have been experiencing is high level prolonged stress and it's not good on many levels... get the stress level down by getting a grip on balance.
I could go on but I am going to stop. I need to warm up my muscles. I need to get my breakfast which is egg whites and grapefruit ( 1/2) and I need to enjoy the refreshed feeling that I have been blessed w/ today.
Talkin' helps.
Uuh I am aware Ms. "O" has this little statement at the back of most of her magazines... but today it's one of those times when I am "lifting" ( steal is such a strong word)... from her playbook.
I woke up with a renewed sense of "self". I had no choice today because of how I feel. Mentally clear as a bell. Had a good eating day. Had a LOT of vegetables yesterday. That was the plan- mostly salads. I put the videos up on my vlog but man on one I got sidetracked by my freckles... I had no idea there were soo many of 'em and they were so noticeable! Whatever... focus- focus- and then I got back to it. I have 2 channels one for recipes or things I make... that is the one w/ which I struggle. I think I started it w/ the premise of putting only live food on it... and I dont eat live food all the time... there are other healthy recipes I would like to put up there... I think I will break out and do it... it's not like folks can't block and delete - I say it all the time... heck I do it all the time! --
#1 thing I know for sure--BE MYSELF ALL THE WAY! - it's my channel. I created it... I can put on it whatever I want. Folks will come and some will go. Keeping it real is highly underated....
I woke up stiff as a "stiff"okay... no I am not dead... I plan on living a long and satisfying life... but this morning I felt like I could have auditioned for one of the "non-living" folks spots in the "thriller video". Just sore and stiff... why?? it's called warm-up for a reason. It felt good to go for my jog yesterday morning... and I logged a fetching number of steps on my pedometer... But cold muscles do not like to be "called to duty suddenly... did I know that? yes! did I pay attention to that? NO!
#2 thing I know for sure-- I AM NOT 2 years old anymore - Warm up even before doing spur of the moment exercise ( which by the way will render it - "not spur of the moment". )
I woke up well rested-- it's been a while, I felt like the statement "thousands of miles to go before I sleep" was my mantra for the past few months. At one point I had to start praying and asking God to help me have "sweet sleep" which happens to be a biblical promise. I wanted "some o dat". I now feel like I can get through the day without wanting to curl up and "nap"~
#3thing I know for sure- Stress is not my friend....I know low level stress kinda exist and it spurs us to get things done. What I have been experiencing is high level prolonged stress and it's not good on many levels... get the stress level down by getting a grip on balance.
I could go on but I am going to stop. I need to warm up my muscles. I need to get my breakfast which is egg whites and grapefruit ( 1/2) and I need to enjoy the refreshed feeling that I have been blessed w/ today.
Talkin' helps.
Monday, January 18, 2010
ALL IS NOT LOST
Today was weird and it is still early.... there is more day left who knows what will unfold?! I get up really early. My get up rhythm had been out of cadence lately ( circadian). But I really think things are getting better.
I went out to get the newspaper-- the day had dawned so it was a good thing... meaning it was not dark . I think I am too old to have to deal with "stranger danger" not to mention "stranger danger" in my current shape is not good I am not sure I could outrun or outkick anyone right this minute ( lol is not appropos right here) I need to spell it out LAUGHING OUT LOUD!
Ok- back to my newspaper story... I was dressed in my work out gear - tennis, workout pants, 2 shirts and hair up...and I had the tape I'd planned on doing! But when I went outside, the desire to stay outside was "overwhelming".
I respected the call of the wild. I walked back to the front door and threw the newspaper in the door and took off -- yep- ran down my street traveling south, then I went to the right down the next street ( still jogging) and then to the right again ( still jogging I might add)... then the HILL ( no running up the hill for me right now) it's really steep but I walked it like a champ! I was a tired , zig zagged, schizoid type walk but my tail made it up the hill... not pretty...
When I got to the top of the hill I was happy, I was satisfied with myself and determined to do more today... now I feel alright about doing a tape or something ...
I guess I entitled todays blog as I did cause I wondered if I could still jog/run cause it's been a little while... I deduced while eating my protein source and fruit this morning -- that I still got some athletic residue left to build upon... It's on and crackin~
I went out to get the newspaper-- the day had dawned so it was a good thing... meaning it was not dark . I think I am too old to have to deal with "stranger danger" not to mention "stranger danger" in my current shape is not good I am not sure I could outrun or outkick anyone right this minute ( lol is not appropos right here) I need to spell it out LAUGHING OUT LOUD!
Ok- back to my newspaper story... I was dressed in my work out gear - tennis, workout pants, 2 shirts and hair up...and I had the tape I'd planned on doing! But when I went outside, the desire to stay outside was "overwhelming".
I respected the call of the wild. I walked back to the front door and threw the newspaper in the door and took off -- yep- ran down my street traveling south, then I went to the right down the next street ( still jogging) and then to the right again ( still jogging I might add)... then the HILL ( no running up the hill for me right now) it's really steep but I walked it like a champ! I was a tired , zig zagged, schizoid type walk but my tail made it up the hill... not pretty...
When I got to the top of the hill I was happy, I was satisfied with myself and determined to do more today... now I feel alright about doing a tape or something ...
I guess I entitled todays blog as I did cause I wondered if I could still jog/run cause it's been a little while... I deduced while eating my protein source and fruit this morning -- that I still got some athletic residue left to build upon... It's on and crackin~
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