The Question is----

When we were growing up... my mother had a running question for us.. It's weird we kinda knew when it was coming... and we were kids... I can't really say it was fair... but she asked it anyway... I think the premise may have been-- ask a kid; cause they can and will be brutally honest. By now you are wondering what is the question-- drumroll please --"Am I that big?"
I am not sneaking behind my mothers back writing about her... she happens to be on the phone right now while I multi-task and write this... she's 19 years my senior. So we are now at the parent/friend stage. She said she "kinda remembered asking us that"- she remembers --she just doesn't want to remember it.
Let me give you the scenario- we are in the safeway parking lot... that shopping center had a lot of stuff in it... it was the mecca for the neighborhood. Women walking in and out were the "comparitive prey". She'd ask... and we'd answer. Did we know if we answered right or wrong? Almost immediately, by the look on her face. I do remember the older we got the less often "the question was posed. My mom was chunky- but in my opinion "cute". What was the problem- what's with all the questions Momma? You are fine~
The answer is "dysmorphic body image".
Tonight I decided I'd go and get a burrito from my fave place to eat out... it black beans, cilantro rice -you know where I am talking about... I think I looked alright- sweats, hair up in a bun (this might have been a hair faux pas, slide-ins... I was in the college part of town...the kids were young looking- shoot they are young. Then it did it.
I asked MYSELF a question--- "Do I look old"? I used to fit in... I felt ackward. My hair used to be dark, now it's red.. ( don't let the lighting on the pix above fool you) and there's a grey streak right up front. I came home let my burrito get cold and my Izzie got warm. I studied me as I took off my slides.. I answered my own question cause there aren't any kids to ask! (I think there's a blessing in that now). Just like I answered my mom... I answered me - as honestly as I knew how . My answers:
Yes, I looked older than them. I was appropriately ackward because theres no less than a 20 year difference in age between me and them . How did I feel about that? I think I am alright, but I do have some body dysmorphia stuff going on though...
Later ya'll - and yes, talkin does help.