Are you for real?

I have really prided myself on being as honest as I can for as much of my life that I can. I think the only person I've lied to is myself ~ For the past decade plus 5 years... I have made it a habit to be poignant - when that's called for. Transparent at all times, and honest even when it's not popular. I have found out that folks just really don't want or dont "believe" it when you practice honesty.
I have been labeled as brutal ( not true), unapproachable ( then later I am told-"but then I got to know you") and out for something - ( yep when I am being a friend - I am out to be - befriended-- that's all it really is) I am Blessed of God. I don't apologize for it, though in the past I have downplayed it for some reason. I dont now why should I? Folks that have what they have make no apologies for what they have. If the folks have nice cars, I rarely see folks leave the maybach in the garage and drive the 66 Falcon. If you have a nice home- folks are renting a room at the local hinky hotel and inviting the "fam" over for dinner and games.
I have come to the conclusion that I am for real, and I am not making any apologies for that at this point in my life.
I get teary eyed when I see folks with white hair ( whom are elderly) driving, making decisions, and living independently. My tears are out of happiness for them, and a part of sadness for myself. I have one grandparent remaining... and she has dementia. Doesn't remember who I am - whose I am or any of the things that made me grow up calling her Nanny.But I remember then, and my tears ar sometimes sad because I would have liked to see her doing the riding, making decisions, recounting history, getting older and mad etc.. and making memories w/ us where she is now.
I have made a concious effort to wean myself from relationships and things that just "aren't working" or that have caused me to have to compromise. Compromise in my world is not being able to speak my mind - but having to listen to your opinion "all the time" w/ the understanding that the other person is "always right". NOBODY IS ALWAYS RIGHT BUT GOD!In this vein I know I am maturing because I just used to listen to it the "drone" now I block and delete (menatally and figuratively is appropos). I like to talk, I like to read, I like to drink coffee and tea and discuss stuff in the world -I like to comment and talk about my struggles and problem solve and get problems solved. I have almost NO friends that like to do that. I have some "lifers" ( folks I have known for a long time) that surface when the sky is grey. I now know I need to see you when it's blue and the sun is out too.
I dont really have man woes- figured them out. Uh, let me qualify that statement. Husband woes = man woes. Life is short, and though obstacles and hurdles exist- I can work around or through them, but I am not interested in magnifying them. I dont discuss any of personal man issues with my "lifers" What did it for me? Talking to different women over the years and observing what other fella's do - found out that despite color , race, or creed will find them all doing the same things at varied (most of the times are predicatable)it's comical. I love my husband- he loves me. That's always a good starting point to remember when the day is good or when there something that needs to be resolved.

When folks are for real - it clears up the need for wondering what the other person is thinking. What am I doing wrong etc. What were you or I expecting of each other,etc...it just makes for a good day.
I have tried to share what I have learned with my friends /family that are young in marriage / and life. They dont want to hear it and my expiration date for my gig as the "voice of reason" stint expired about 4 years ago. (I was operating covertly with a past due expiration date for a bit there).
I have learned that being for real is good. I recently met a young lady at a meeting - she walked in friendly intro'd herself and everything. I was in quiet mode that day ( watching and listening). We have been friends since then, talking, laughing, walking in the park. And being honest w/o pretense.I now know that there are still some folks that exist that enjoy just pure friendship and being transparent.
I guess that means I get to continue on this road-- not that I wasn't going to anyway. ( Selah)